Dating After Divorce

by Valerie Nelson | More from this Blogger

18 Jul 2006 11:35 AM

Beginning to date again after divorce can be a fun and scary process. Going through the grieving and healing process can leave a person drained physically and mentally. Deciding that you feel comfortable enough to begin dating is actually a sign that you are becoming emotionally healthy again. That is not to say if you decide not to date that you are unhealthy. Whatever you decide, remember the experts believe that working through the pain and baggage that everyone goes through is essential before moving into a new relationship. That whole process takes at least one year and sometimes much longer.

You might be at the point where you feel comfortable about dating again, but how do your children feel? Expect mixed emotions. On one hand (deepening on their ages) they might think it is great for you to be meeting new people. Other children might think it is a betrayal to their other parent. The key to an easy transition is communicating, and especially listening to how your children feel.

Explain to your children why you want to or are dating someone. Tell them the typical things that go on during a date, such as having dinner together, going to a movie, talking a lot so that you can get to know each other better.

It is important to not introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to your children for at a minimum of several months or when you know that the relationship has some serious long-term possibilities. Introducing your date to your child, and having them begin to build their own relationship too soon can bring emotional pain if you break up, and children may begin to believe that having a significant adult relationship is a fleeting possibility at best. When the time is right to make an introduction, try to do it in a low-stress way like a family bar-b-que, or evening at a family fun center. Slowly over time let your significant other create his or her own unique relationship with your child, but only if the relationship is very serious and may potentially result in marriage.

Learn more about Valerie Nelson

Valerie is a Families.com blogger, freelance writer and small business owner. Valerie helps non-profit organizations with fundraising through grant development for their programs and projects.

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