Dating Tips for the Single Momby Renee Dietz | More from this Blogger 21 Feb 2007 06:16 PM When first becoming single, you probably want to cringe when you even think about dating. Now, we both know that dating is likely a part of your future, which is good and healthy but you want to be careful, choosing the right type of men to date. Although I have had my own experiences with dating as a single mom, I wanted to do some research to see what other single moms say. The following are a few pieces of advice, which are pretty interesting. -Availability - One single mom stated that she found she was making herself unavailable for dating, primarily due to fear. Instead of getting out and making a new life for herself, she was spending all of her time with the kids, cleaning house, and working. Although you certainly want to be wise, try hard not to isolate yourself, thus making it appear as if you were unavailable or even disinterested. -Timing - As stated, while you want to get out, remember you have no time limit on when. Obviously, you want to make sure you are ready to date, which means allowing yourself time to go through the various phases of being single such as anger and hurt. You will know when the time is right to step out, specifically for dating. -Online Communities - Use online dating services, which are great for making friends and for meeting potential partners. The great thing about online dating websites is that you have more control than you would meeting someone in a bar. Be careful about sharing too much information and take it slow but enjoy the prospects found with online communities. -Introductions - When you begin dating one particular man, I recommend, along with other women, that you not make family introductions too early. Keep in mind that your children are going through changes so bringing a new man into the picture too soon could be damaging. Instead, get to know the man yourself, taking months before introductions with the kids are made. -Guilt - Most important, stop feeling guilty about wanting and needing personal time, whether spending it with girlfriends or dating. As a single mom, you need down time away from the kids. While you certainly want to balance this time out, make sure you allow yourself fun time without the children. Single Doesn't Have to Mean Lonely Should my Children Meet the Person I'm Dating? Learn more about Renee Dietz  I have been a successful, published writer for the past 26 years, offering a writing style that is informative, creative, and reader-friendly. Relevantsingle parenting tags User Comments  burfield1mom (395) 22 Feb 2007 08:50 AMI love the fact that you made an outline on this subject. Dating is the hardest thing after a divorce with children. I am trying to drill these same things in my ex-husbands head right now. He is now a 2 time divorcée. With no children by his second marriage. He dates like he's 17 y/o. My daughter is 10 and gets angry at the fact when she goes to his house that she never knows what "girlfriend" will be there. She told me one day he's like the ice cream store he has so many flavors. I do have one thing to add to this. When you date - your children watch. If you are promiscuous, you are teaching your children that this is OK. Would you want your children to follow in the same dating pattern that you are exposing them to? Renee Dietz (964) 22 Feb 2007 11:51 AMTHANK you for your great comments. I agree 1,000%! I was very careful when I dated and I'm so glad. Today, they're 22 and 24, and thankfully, well-balanced. Both have told me that the examples I set of not having man after man in the house, as well as taking time for myself helped them to establish themselves as grounded adults. Sometimes, it takes the children, like your daughter, to really drive home the facts. I wish you TONS of success and remind your daughter that she has an opportunity to grow up and do things differently from her father! Renee  Salena (127) 24 Feb 2007 09:35 PMI REFUSE to date. I haven't had a date in 7 years, I have volunteered my time as a Commissioner for Cleveland Softball, I work full time etc.. but I ABSOLUTELY refuse to bring someone into my home or my life until I am sure that they are permenant. I feel the S word is unacceptable to introduce any young child ( my daughter is 13) to and although many people here will disagree, why would I want to show my daughter that premarital sex or anything of that type is ACCEPTABLE at all. It is not, that's why there are so many un wed mothers out there because they have learned from their parents that being "easy" is an acceptable way to act. It's bad enough my daughter has to see it on EVERY TV station she watches , much less her mother teaching her being a "w.." is ok. I havre male friends and I go to dinner with them and talk to them but not a one of them has ever stepped foot into my home and they never will. Dating as a single parent may be "healthy" but I disagree whole heartedly. This is my take and I guess I am entitled to my opinion. I don't teach Chelsea that dating is bad or that boys are evil, I just make her aware that there are lines you never cross, no matter what your age. I also encourage her to talk to me about boys and crushes etc and she tells me about crushes but she is aware that she will not date until she is at least 16 years old.. OH MY GOODNESS!!! What are you doing to yourself? Where's your sense of independence and you "me" time? As many will ask. I travel 8-10 hours a day, right now I am considering HS, but my daughter has school still so I get plenty of ME time. My daughter has never kissed, touched or anything with a boy and probably won't for a while because of the values I have instilled in her. She has no desire to date ( as it should be at 13) and I am proud when I see all the young girls walking around pregnant in her school or pushing baby carriages to the Catholic High School that is attached and I realize that my daughter is sooo going to have a much greater fighting chance than any of those girls. And no, unless you LIVE it you can't teach it. So if my kid sees me dating she will want to date so I learn to control my impulses to make her a better and healthier and more respectful child. I'm sure you don't agree, but my kid is growing up in the lower income area of Cleveland because A: You only live where you can afford to live (if I lost my job, I could still pay my mortgage because I don'ty live beyond my means) so teaching her to abstain is THE ONLY alternative and since kids emmulate their parents, I refuse to be the reason my daughter will be pregnant at 16 because I couldn't abstain myself... Same with dating. Priorities should be work, school and self, men come and go and she should know that, but self worth lasts a lifetime. Community Tags Childrent, dating, single moms Discuss this article
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