Dealing with Comments to the Widowed

by Renee Dietz | More from this Blogger

22 Jan 2007 07:42 PM

Losing a wife or husband is difficult no matter the age or cause. While most people are sensitive to this difficult time in life, you need to know that you will be confronted by people who seem less than compassionate. Even if these people mean well, sometimes the words spoken to the widowed individual come across as harsh and uncaring. I know when I lost my only sister two years ago her husband was faced with this very challenge.

For instance, he actually had someone from work ask him how much money he would get from her life insurance policy. Can you imagine? Unfortunately, this person blurted out the words without giving any thought to how it would be received. Asking any type of financial question is totally off limit. In fact, people who go to this question are not trying to help but merely being nosey. The best way to answer this type of question is bluntly, by saying, "It's really not your business".

My sister was just 50 when she died and her husband just 48. They were married for 30 wonderful years but now at a young age, he found himself widowed. A woman from church made the comment to him that "he was still young and had plenty of time to meet someone else". Obviously, his mind was still reeling from losing the love of his life, far from dating other women. In this case, no answer is warranted. All you need to do is turn around and walk away.

Another rude comment made to my brother-in-law was from a local real estate agent who wanted to know if he was going to sell his house. Good grief, he just lost his wife and now they want him to lose his house? The interesting thing was that he and my sister had their home paid off for the past 10 years, after working hard to do so. If you were approached with this type of comment, simply respond with, "I'm not interested in selling".

Finally, I bet he had at least 20 different people approach him saying they knew how he felt and what he needed. He did not even know, as being widowed was something brand new. While these people were trying to be supportive, they do not know how he felt or what he needed. Therefore, if you ever meet someone who has recently been widowed, avoid this statement. Instead, you could simply say something like, "I have no idea how you feel but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here".

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Learn more about Renee Dietz

I have been a successful, published writer for the past 26 years, offering a writing style that is informative, creative, and reader-friendly.

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babydawn (7008) 22 Jan 2007 09:50 PM

A gal I know lost her husband while she was pregnant with her first baby. I think she was only 21 or 22. He died in a plane crash. When my husband's father died, I remember having a conversation with her about my mother in-law and the constant, "I know someone I can hook you up with" comments. She said something that made so much sense. She said, you know people did that to me as well and I was just like, "he was the love of my life, not some car, he is not replaceable." Although it sounds somewhat funny, it made a whole lot of sense. I must add as a side note that she has remarried to another man who lost his wife while very young. It took time for her to heal, and although she didn't replace the love of her life, she found someone else she could share this one with.... good article. Thanks.