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How Friendly do You Have to Be With Ex?

One of the questions that comes up again and again with divorced and separated parents, or with those who share custody or co-parent a child or children is how friendly do you actually have to be? Well, like most issues in human relations–it all depends… I think that as years pass, many of us find it easier to be more “friendly” with an ex. I was talking with a woman recently whose child was grown–nearly thirty–and recently got married. She shared that since her child was an adult and had been for years, she hadn’t had to interact with her … Continue reading →

Exes Don’t HAVE to Battle

We do not have to give in to the stereotype of the battling, disagreeing, misunderstanding exes with our child’s other parent. Sure, there may be plenty of hard feelings that need to be worked through and processed left over from our relationship, a separation, or a divorce. And, we are only human after all–but we don’t HAVE to be oppositional and sparring ex-partners, we can choose to be a different kind of exes… Okay, I fully admit that all exes and all parents are not created equally–there are plenty of dangerous, immature, annoying, irresponsible, or lazy parents out there–whether they … Continue reading →

“Just Friends” or “Still Friends”?

The trend in some social circles (not to mention the suggested goal of some books and specialists) is for divorced and separated individuals to remain good friends. While I can definitely see the advantages for child rearing if both parents remain warm and friendly, I can also understand why many of us do not and cannot remain friendly with our exes. Whether it is an ex-spouse or someone with whom we have dated or been involved—why is the goal or expectation that we HAVE to remain friendly? Can we be cordial and business-like and not feel compelled to be buddies? … Continue reading →

Is it Better to Say Nothing at All About the Other Parent?

I know that I am not alone in that I was brought up with the social rule: “If you can’t say something nice, then do not say anything at all.” As a single parent, we have also been told that we should not share our negative opinions of the child’s other parent with the child. We are supposed to say only positive things about the other parent. But, what if we just can’t? Is it better to not say anything at all? Some experts would say “Yes.” It IS better to say as little as possible, or nothing at all … Continue reading →

Can Your Kids Learn to Respect You When Your Ex Doesn’t?

The reality of my single parent family is that my children’s father does not always show the greatest of respect for me. There isn’t anyone around to say “Don’t speak to your mother that way!” (except for me) and since we aren’t living in a fairy tale, I have had to contend with my kids feeling a shifting in loyalties from time to time. There isn’t anything I can do about it and I’ve had several years to learn that I have to demand and earn my kids’ respect on my own terms. I know that I am not alone … Continue reading →

Thank Goodness for That Village!

I am hours away from embarking on several “firsts” for me–my first international business trip, my first international flight, the first time I’ve left my kids for more than a few days–as a long-time single parent, I have to admit that I never imagined I would be able to do all these things or thought I would every have a strong enough support network to trust enough to leave my kids for so long! I suppose this is a great example of why letting others in to help and building a strong support network for a single parent family can … Continue reading →

Dealing With “Drop-In” Visits

I am a pretty relaxed and flexible person when it comes to most things. I want my friends to feel like they can stop by and drop in for a quick visit, but I do appreciate the advance warning. However, I do NOT appreciate when my kids’ other parent, or other family members stop in for drop-in visits. I know that this can be a troublesome issue for many single-parent households. Boundaries are one of those things that I do reasonably well, so I do not have a lot of appreciation for those who don’t. I “get it” but I … Continue reading →