Search Results for: blog getting in the right frame of mind for negotiations

Know What You Are Willing to Give Up in Negotiations

You may know that when you enter into a negotiation—whether for a contract, a customer sale, or some other reason—you need to know what it is you are hoping to get. You do need to know the reason for the negotiation and have in mind what you would like to come away with. BUT, you also need to know what you are willing to give up. The more prepared you are in advance; the more likely you are to come away with a satisfactory result. Next to good communication skills (both verbal and non-verbal), I think that knowing what you … Continue reading →

Getting in the Right Frame of Mind for Negotiations

I know that “doing business” with your child or children’s other parent is not always a matter of convenience. We can’t always plan things out for times when we are feeling calm and neutral and well-rested. Still, if you are a single parent by divorce or separation, of if there is still another parent in your child’s life out there somewhere–there is a good chance that you will occasionally have to interact with each other and negotiate, and this can bring out our evil twin if we aren’t prepared… Boy, do I know this one firsthand! If I have had … Continue reading →

Cooperating and Collaborating on College Applications and Financial Aid Forms

Getting ready to apply for a child heading off to college is challenging for any family (not to mention the almost adult!)—but in single parent families, filling out all those forms and FAFSAs can have the additional challenge of needing to accumulate information from two homes. Attempting to collaborate and cooperate on such a process can be tough! Tax forms, financial records, making sure the test scores and transcripts get sent to the correct address—it can take extra diligence for a family that is divided by divorce or separation. It can also be confusing—who pays for what? Whose income do … Continue reading →

Figuring Out the Best Time for Co-Parenting Discussions

Sometimes, timing is everything. While I’ve written before about how to behave like “business partners” with your child’s other parent, and some ideas for how to get your mind right for negotiations, I also think that it takes some skill to determine when is the best time to broach certain subjects and discuss everything from parenting time to school field trips. Part of the problem with getting the timing right is that we may consciously or sub-consciously get the timing WRONG–if we are still locked in arguments, battles, or power struggles with our child’s other parent, we may be purposefully … Continue reading →

Is There Room in Your Custody and Parenting Plans for Unscheduled Time?

I know that every family is different and some of us have much more structured parenting plans and custody arrangements than others. But, I think that there are also times in a child’s life when flexibility might be in order. Just because the calendar says that he has to be at dad’s house, shouldn’t mean that he can’t have some “unscheduled” time with mom if the need arises. For some families, it can take a while to get to a place where unscheduled time is even possible, but I do think it needs to be a consideration as you try … Continue reading →

Negotiating With the Ex–It May Take a Few Meetings for the Tough Decisions

I have written before about the realities of negotiating big parenting decisions with your child’s other parent. It can be a tough situation that takes tact, diplomacy and getting your mind just right before you even enter into the discussions. Even with all this preparation and care, the conversations might not go well, and it might take more than one conversation before you are able to come to an agreement. I don’t know about you, but during my separation and after my divorce, I wanted to talk to my children’s father as little as possible. I was so focused on … Continue reading →

You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of Your Child

Despite the fact that I have a very cordial working relationship with my kids’ father—forged over years of co-parenting since our separation and divorce, I don’t always go willingly toward chats and negotiations. In reality, the longer I live an independent life, the harder it is for me to compromise when it comes to my children. My years as a single parent have made me competent and confident and I feel like I know my children really well. It’s not always easy to let someone else have influence and “say” when it comes to parenting them! Compromise and letting go … Continue reading →

Should You Consider Professional Mediation?

Do you find attempts at negotiation and conversation with your ex-spouse or your child’s other parent deteriorate into screaming matches or you are just unable to come to agreements about parenting and custody issues? Are you having a hard time getting schedules worked out or keeping the lines of communication open between one side of your child’s family and the other? Are you still trying to come up with a workable parenting agreement? If there are still unresolved issues and problems regarding parenting your child, then you might want to consider bringing in a professional mediator to help you with … Continue reading →