In Control...or Controlling

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

13 Nov 2007 11:37 AM

It is one thing to have things under control-our families, our lives, our work situation-it is quite another to be overly controlling or trying to force and maneuver various aspects of our lives. As a single parent, things can so often feel chaotic and precarious that we may cross line from striving to get control to being overly controlling.

What is the difference, you might ask? The best way I can explain it is to say that "controlling" is when you are trying to force things to happen; manipulate or force other people (including a child or children) to do what you want them to; construct and force events to go how you think they should. When a person is "in control" we are really in control of ourselves. We are focused on our own behaviors, desires, tasks, etc. This is healthy and most of us feel much better about our selves and our lives when we feel as though we have things relatively under control. When we are trying to force other people, institutions, and the universe to do what we want them to, then we are being controlling and that is not healthy.

Not only does it seldom work-we just can't force people and things to go our way-but it takes its toll in terms of stress, tension, and co-dependent behaviors. It can be a hard lesson to learn that we can only control our own personal behavior, thinking, and a fraction of our world-the rest we have to let go of. It can be tough for a single parent who is trying to keep his or her life in order to trust in that letting go, but clinging and clutching in the attempt to force things doesn't work either. I'm all for getting things under control, of course, but I struggle to keep from being too controlling.

Also: Jumping to Conclusions

Compassion

Appreciation

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