Meeting Them Where They Are

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

22 Oct 2007 02:36 PM

In my role as a single parent, I have had a tendency to treat my kids the way I WISH they would be, or expect them to be further along in terms of development than they are. I also have a tendency to panic and assume that if they haven't reached a certain developmental stage "by now" they might not EVER get there. I imagine that I might be this way if I wasn't a single parent, but I do think that the fact that I feel like I must expect more from my kids probably exacerbates the situation. Over time, I have had to be reminded to meet my kids where they ARE not where I would like them to be.

I am far from perfect and there have been times when I wanted my kids to move through a grieving period faster ("Aren't you over that by now?!") and times when I really thought I needed them to just "buck up" and master something quicker. I haven't heard a lot of people accuse single parents of letting their kids linger around as babies too long-we tend to get just the opposite and our kids are often more responsible and take on more maturity and obligations because they are being raised by single parents. Of course, there are good points and bad points to this reality. As a bad point, we can push and rush them to take on more than they are able to.

We single parents may need to remind ourselves to slow down and truly accept the stages that our kids are out NOW. Sure, we can rush them a bit, but do we really want to? They do need time to develop and learn at their own pace. Just because we are the only adult in the household, doesn't mean that we need to push our kids to take on adult roles and responsibilities before they are ready. Instead, I think we single parents need to challenge ourselves to meet our kids where they are at, and not project onto them where we want them to be.

Also: Consistency is Big for Single Parents Too

Do We Expect More Responsibility From Our Kids?

Make Sure They Know Who Is the Boss

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