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Custody Disputes That End In Tragedy

When custody of your children is being decided after a divorce it can be the most emotional time in your life. No one wants to live without their children. In many cases both parents are involved, loving, supportive parents, regardless of the reasons their marriage ended. And both want and believe they deserve custody of the children. Sometimes custody battles result in one parent taking their life and the lives of their children. Recently we were witness to that with the Powell children, their father killed himself and both of the boys in an explosion because, as he said- he … Continue reading →

When Kids Feel They Have to Choose for the Holidays

Since my separation and divorce, I have worked hard to make sure that my kids didn’t feel like they needed or had to choose between families and houses. Now that my children are getting older and have more of a say in things, I can see that they are trying to maneuver between choices—family, friends, etc. and some of those choices are quite difficult. It really makes me feel for children who often feel like they have to choose between families! I even try to invite my children’s “other” family to my house when things seem to get sticky. This … Continue reading →

Different Ideas About Boundaries

I have probably had to over-compensate in the boundary department with my “side” of a post-divorce family due to very different ideas about such things with my children’s father. Believe it or not, I have only been inside his house once and I am constantly having to remind him that he cannot come in my house when I’m not home. And, we have been divorced for YEARS… The other day, my kids were sharing with me how at the other house, they “joke” about my strong boundaries. I think they said that folks over there actually say “boundaries! Boundaries!” in … Continue reading →

Re-visit Co-parenting Assumptions

Once you and your child’s other parent get a “system” worked out to deal with custody and parenting responsibilities, it can be quite normal to settle into a state of complacency. After all, it may have taken a lot of grief and negotiations to get to a sane and stable place. However, it is important to periodically revisit and restate what is going on and make sure that everyone is still on the same page. When I think of “assumptions,” I am thinking of the agreements we come to with the other parent, or things that evolve and seem to … Continue reading →

Figuring Out the Best Time for Co-Parenting Discussions

Sometimes, timing is everything. While I’ve written before about how to behave like “business partners” with your child’s other parent, and some ideas for how to get your mind right for negotiations, I also think that it takes some skill to determine when is the best time to broach certain subjects and discuss everything from parenting time to school field trips. Part of the problem with getting the timing right is that we may consciously or sub-consciously get the timing WRONG–if we are still locked in arguments, battles, or power struggles with our child’s other parent, we may be purposefully … Continue reading →

Negotiating With the Ex–It May Take a Few Meetings for the Tough Decisions

I have written before about the realities of negotiating big parenting decisions with your child’s other parent. It can be a tough situation that takes tact, diplomacy and getting your mind just right before you even enter into the discussions. Even with all this preparation and care, the conversations might not go well, and it might take more than one conversation before you are able to come to an agreement. I don’t know about you, but during my separation and after my divorce, I wanted to talk to my children’s father as little as possible. I was so focused on … Continue reading →