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Power Struggles

I’m not sure who is more stubborn, me or my three year old. Some days I’m about ready to rip my hair out. We’ve all been there. You’re sitting at the dinner table trying to get your child to eat their vegetables when you hear the dreaded words, “You can’t make me!” Immediately you feel that sense of frustration start to build, the angrier you get, the more your child digs in their heels, and the power struggle ensues. Unfortunately, your child is right, you can’t actually force the vegetables down their throat, but you can enforce consequences for it. … Continue reading →

The Power of “No” (Part 1)

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Jim Carrey was recently in the charming film “Yes Man.” It’s about a movement to say “yes” to everything. While the film is certainly worth watching (for those old enough for the content), and the overall meaning is positive, there is a definite danger to the word “yes” when it comes to college. One of the best pieces of advice you’ll ever receive is “get involved: early and often.” College is necessarily a transition for most traditional students. You’re moving away from the ever-watchful eye of parental supervision and into a different environment that involves a certain amount of maturity … Continue reading →

Defusing Food Power Struggles With Your Preschooler

Preschoolers are all about defining themselves in relation to the rest of the world, especially their parents. This can show up as a power struggle, and it’s a sign that your preschooler is becoming his own person. But when the power struggles come to the dinner table, parents can struggle with balancing their child’s need to define his food preferences and the need to have that child eat a healthy diet. A diet of chocolate and chips might sound desirable to a preschooler, but it doesn’t cut it nutritionally, of course! How can you opt out of the food power … Continue reading →

I’ve Got The Power

No, this is not about power struggles with your preschooler. Tonight the power went out at our house. This is a rather uncommon occurrence here. It was very exciting. It was thrillingly scary. We got the flashlight and the candles and ten minutes later the power went back on. However, the most interesting part of the whole episode was what my daughter said to me when the lights went out. “Mom, turn on your light, please!” You see, I have insulin-dependent diabetes, and I wear an insulin pump. My pump comes with a built-in backlight. This is very useful for … Continue reading →

Maria Shriver’s Challenge to Parent her Parents and Bristol Palin Struggles as a Teen Mom

Maria Shriver is the mother of four children, but she doesn’t want you to ask her for parenting advice. Rather, California’s First Lady says she is just as lost as the rest of us. She may be part of the powerful Kennedy clan and married to actor turned California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, but Shriver maintains that has not helped her avoid daily challenges that come with raising four teenagers, and parenting her own ailing parents. “I don’t have it all together … the road is bumpy, and I don’t have any shame in sharing that,” the 53-year-old mom recently told … Continue reading →

Sudden Power Struggles with the Ex

Things may be going along nicely in your co-parenting relationship; you may have worked out a communication style that suits the both of you, you might even get along with your ex’s new partner and everyone seems content and well-adjusted. Suddenly, without warning, tempers flare and you find yourself in and power struggle or dealing with long-buried old issues that have shown up again. What can you do to diffuse the situation? I have learned to expect “flare-ups” during times of stress or transition—when the kids entered high school, for example, or with the current graduations. Any time you are … Continue reading →

Balancing the Power in a Single Parent Family

Power struggles are an ongoing reality in all families—struggles between parents and children, struggles between siblings, and in two-parent homes, struggles between those two parents. In a single parent family, there might be times when it seems like we have less to wrestle with since there is clearly one parent and possibly less relationships to negotiate, but it can also be a bigger struggle since we have other houses, step parents, and some of us single parents are out-numbered by our offspring! Power is constantly shifting, but we can make an effort to put more balance into our households. Having … Continue reading →

Using Brain-Dead Phrases To Nip Power Struggles In the Bud

For parents who find themselves constantly engaged in power struggles with their kids, I have a technique that might work for you. It’s called, Using Brain-Dead Phrases. It’s a technique recommended in the book, Try and Make Me, by Ray Levy and Bill O’Hanlon. It is a way to let your child know that you are not going to engage in arguing with them or respond to silly questions. The authors report that this is an effective alternative to ignoring behavior because for some people it’s simply not in our nature to ignore things that bug us. There are several … Continue reading →

Empowering your Child

When raising a child as a single parent, you will be faced with some new and unexpected challenges. As your child begins to age, he/she will start to develop independence, which is healthy and positive. However, what you want is to make sure your child is empowered, not powerful, at least in the sense of discipline. Just expect your child to try to outsmart you, becoming very creative during this headstrong phase. While some people might thing of this as the child being stubborn, bratty, or even rebellious, the child is actually just trying to grow up. Typically, from the … Continue reading →

Five Ways to Deal With a Power-Hungry Child

If a child misbehaves because he craves attention, but can’t get a satisfying result, he will often move to the mistaken goal of seeking power. In my previous blog I listed the four basic mistaken goals children have which lead to misbehavior: Seeking Attention. Seeking Power. Seeking Revenge. Seeking Emotional Isolation. The Child Who Craves Power Each of the above mistaken goals are the child’s misguided way of trying to belong. All children want to belong, to be accepted, to fit in, and to be loved. The child who wants power makes the erroneous assumption that if he defies adults … Continue reading →