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The Pros and Cons of Co-Parenting

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There are times when the “happily ever after” ends in divorce. When this happens, couples who are parents must sort out custody and visitation rights. Co-parenting is an option that may work out well for couples that can get along with each other post-divorce. There are also situations where co-parenting just isn’t going to work smoothly. Positive Aspects of Co-Parenting There is a celebrity example of what co-parenting looks like when it works well. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split up in 2011. In 2015, they posted on Instagram a family photo from the birthday party of their 7-year-old twins. … Continue reading →

The On-again, Off-again Parent

While there are some single parents who have very involved exes or other parents, and some of you have mastered the art of co-parenting and could probably teach the rest of us a thing or two—many of us have less than perfect co-parenting arrangements. They might range anywhere from the completely absent “other parent” to one who shows up and disappears seemingly at random. Dealing with the on-again, off-again other parent can be hard on the child and challenging for the primary parent… The thing about the on-again, off-again parent is that you cannot really complain or accuse him or … Continue reading →

When They Say They Want to Live with the Other Parent

If you have been a single parent for any length of time, eventually you will likely hear your child express that he or she would be much happier if only he could “go live at mom or dad’s house!” For some kids this is an idle threat—used in a moment of frustration or anger; but for others they really do feel an urge and a pull to go live at the other house. As the parent, you may have mixed feelings and wonder what is best, right, and even what is possible? There is no simple reason why or answer … Continue reading →

Drop-In Visits from the Other Parent

One of the issues I have heard single parents complain of is when the child’s other parent is a “drop-in” visitor. For some families, it doesn’t seem to matter if there are legal arrangements; the other parent either ignores them, or augments the agreed-upon visits with unannounced drop-ins. The child may think this is great—but it can be hard and frustrating for the custodial parent. A parent may rely on drop-in visits for a variety of reasons—it could be that he or she doesn’t want to have a set schedule, or it can also be a power play and a … Continue reading →

Re-visit Co-parenting Assumptions

Once you and your child’s other parent get a “system” worked out to deal with custody and parenting responsibilities, it can be quite normal to settle into a state of complacency. After all, it may have taken a lot of grief and negotiations to get to a sane and stable place. However, it is important to periodically revisit and restate what is going on and make sure that everyone is still on the same page. When I think of “assumptions,” I am thinking of the agreements we come to with the other parent, or things that evolve and seem to … Continue reading →

Watch Using the Term “Dead Beat” in Front of Your Kids

I know that for many single parents, extracting financial support for a child is a major, stressful issue. I also know that the term “dead beat”—usually pertaining to dads, but it doesn’t always have to be—has become entrenched in our popular culture and the language we use when we talk about divorce and single parenting issues. But, do we really want to use the term “dead beat” in front of our child to describe his or her other parent? It’s hard! I know this first hand and even if we understand that we shouldn’t be saying anything negative about our … Continue reading →

Setting Appropriate Expectations for Your Child with Special Needs

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An important aspect of parenting a child with special needs is setting appropriate, realistic expectations. This is much easier said than done. Regardless of what your child’s diagnosis, or “label,” turns out to be, he or she is an individual. Your child is likely to have abilities or strengths which are unusual to her condition. Or, he may have difficulties that some children with the same disorder don’t normally face. There is no one-description-fits-all for any special needs child. You must create a balance of both a hopeful, positive outlook, and one that doesn’t expect more than what is reasonable. … Continue reading →