Single Moms and Sonsby Renee Dietz | More from this Blogger 26 Feb 2007 11:38 PM I raised both a son and daughter and fortunately, had a beautiful relationship with both. However, I noticed with many of my other single friends who had sons that the level of stress was different. I had always made a conscious effort to have my son and his father maintain a healthy relationship but many of these other sons never even saw their dads. It began to dawn on me that sometimes, single moms forget the importance of a good, male role model in their son's life. I know that my son reached a point that he felt like the man in the house. He was great at doing his chores, running errands, and protecting his mom and sister. In fact, when he was 13, I asked him if he wanted to live with his dad and his answer was no, not that he didn't love his dad dearly but because he felt that I needed him. In looking back, perhaps I allowed him to feel this way because deep down, I didn't want him to leave. I do know that I realized how vital it was for him to have adequate time doing guy things with his father. They would often go play golf, his dad coached the baseball team, they attend movies, and so on. Even when it meant that I lost out a weekend for a special father/son event, I let him go. Some of my dearest friends were not so fortunate. In fact, many of the boys my son was friends with, also boys from single mom homes, would ask to go along with my son and his dad to do "men things". My point is that as mothers, we love our sons with everything we have, always wanting the best. Part of the best is to make sure they have the chance to grow into men from example coming from the father, a big brother, or another role model. Ultimately, we owe it to our sons to give them balance in life. Living with mom gives us the chance to teach our sons about the right way of treating women. This time is precious and a real gift in helping to nurture the sons we love. However, we also owe it to our sons to build their confidence and self-esteem as men. A Feminist Mom Copes With the Macho Years Learn more about Renee Dietz  I have been a successful, published writer for the past 26 years, offering a writing style that is informative, creative, and reader-friendly. Relevantsingle parenting tags User Comments  Kori Rodley Irons (8277) 28 Feb 2007 01:37 PMI think having role models from both genders is important for children of both genders (and it doesn't have to be parents). But, I do agree with you, Renee, that sons do need older males. I am fortunate that my children's father is quite involved in his own way, but I also see the importance of positive grandfathers, uncles and even how some of my grand old male friends give my son older males to learn from, learn about, and emulate.  Anna Glendenning (4234) 25 Mar 2007 05:40 PMMy son was 11 when I divorced his father. Along with "allowing" my son to have and build his own relationship with his father I made sure he stayed in Boy Scouts...and that I was supportive of the male role models there were in his life. I also NEVER asked either of my children to make or even express a "choice" of which parent they would live with. I chose to handle this issue by saying, "I will fight tooth and nail to keep you with me unless you tell me you want to go stay with your father." I just felt my kids should know that I was still in charge and that no matter what I would keep them with me and not make them decide. But, I also wanted them to know that if their hearts desire was to live with their father--I had room to hear them say so. Neither of my kids ever wanted to live with their father--and now they are grown and understand the reason I divorced him was the fact he wasn't a good role model. But, I never had to tell them--they came to this conclusion on their own. Renee Dietz (964) 27 Mar 2007 10:03 AMAnna...I certainly appreciate your comments and each family dynamic is different. In my other blogs, I explain that I have been extremely fortunate in that my kid's father and I are great friends. For me, there was no reason for me not to offer this chance to experience life with his father. However, I do understand that this is not always possible for every single mother. Each parent must do what is right for that particular child...I did, and I know you do too. Renee Renee Dietz (964) 27 Mar 2007 10:04 AMHi Kori and thank you for your comment. Boys do need male role models, whether from a father, brother, friend....that certainly does not reduce the mother's ablity. Great parenting!!! Community Tags Big Brothers, dads, role models Discuss this article
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