Tips for Surviving Divorce with Children

by Nicole Humphrey | More from this Blogger

21 May 2006 11:14 AM

Each year, the statistics are climbing for divorce. Several years ago, The Americans for Divorce Reform estimated that "Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue." There are so many reasons for this, however they aren't as important as helping the child survive divorce. For a child, divorce can be just as hard as the death of a parent. Maintaining a positive environment and lowering stress can help tremendously for a child.

Separation or a divorce often leaves parents angry with each other, and children confused and sometimes even blaming themselves. This can cause friction, tension and just generally bad relations between the two parents and often, the children.

Use the following tips to avoid problems and to find ways to survive the divorce:

- Don't fight in front of the children. Period. Especially if the argument pertains to them. This can leave a child blaming themselves for the situation. Instead talk to your pediatrician, or enroll your child in a children of divorce class. Or consider allowing them to see a psychologist so they can deal with their many feelings about the divorce.

- Do not involve your child in your disagreements. It is never ok to include a child in an argument. Keep them out of it. If they have a question about what is going on, try answering as openly and honestly as you can, without divulging too much information.

- Never force your child to take sides. This is just plain wrong and it happens a lot. Every child will have loyalties to both parents. Requiring them to "side with you" is unfair to the child. They should not even be involved enough to have the opportunity to choose sides.

- Discuss your concerns and feelings with your child's other parent when and where your child cannot hear.

- Don't criticize each other in front of your child. Even if you find out the other parent is saying bad things about you, explain to your child that people sometimes say mean things when they are angry.

- Never allow your child to hear you say anything bad about the other parent. (even if it is true). We need to teach our children sympathy and compassion. Discuss instead with your child, that everyone is different and that sometimes that two people who got married are so different that they cannot remain married.

- Reassure your child that both parents love them. This is a must. Remind your children that the other parent loves them just as much as you do. That they are sad about the situation too, but that they will always love them.

Just remember to always think of the children involved. As long as you place them first, you cannot possibly go wrong.

Learn more about Nicole Humphrey

Nicole Humphrey is a freelance writer, consultant for CTMH and a Sr. Blogger for families.com. She resides in St. Charles, Missouri with Mike and their five children and two furbabies.

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MichaelHeart (346) 21 May 2006 07:18 PM

Just wanted to give you an update on the divorce rate. As of 2006, the divorce rate is almost 58%.

God Bless You and Yours, Michael Heart

Valerie Nelson (1149) 26 May 2006 07:30 AM

Michael,

Just curious about your source for the 58% rate. Where did you find that number?

Nicole Humphrey (15757) 03 Jun 2006 10:24 AM

I'm also curious Michael, as I did research it and was unable to come up with a recent accurate number. Each source seems to quote a different statistic. Kind of annoying really. Thanks for the interesting information however.

drbangs (16) 06 Jul 2007 05:37 PM

There is much left to discuss. Everything stated above is right, but doing what's right when you suffer is hard. Suffering for your kids is the right thing to do. If divorce can be a win win deal between divorcing parties while keeping kids protected, I haven't experienced that. My experience would be that doing what's best for your kids cost one parent more than the other parent; one must give up a basic part of themselves to make it work for the kids best interest.

Nicole Humphrey (15757) 10 Jul 2007 09:37 AM

I don't have much to add to that, except that I can completely relate and agree. I don't exactly consider any of my sacrifices made for my children - as suffering, because if they make their life better - I am not suffering. I do however believe that everything we do should be done with the children's interest and well being in mind. There is so much more to discuss, and hopefully our Single Parenting bloggers will tackle it! :)