When the Visitation Schedule Changes

by Elizabeth Kane, MA, Marriage and Family | More from this Blogger

When a couple decides to divorce and children are involved, a custody arrangement is made. Typically there is a joint custody agreement or it could be that one parent is the custodial parent and the other has visitation rights to see the children. Divorce in and of itself is very difficult for children to process. Getting used to seeing one of their parents on a limited basis requires an adjustment period for the child. Communication is the best tool to use when helping your kids to deal with their new life and often a family therapist can be useful in facilitating and directing this conversation.

What happens, however, once you have a visitation schedule in place and it changes? Oftentimes one parents schedule will change due to work or school responsibilities and it forces the visitation arrangement to be reworked. Other times there is a change in visitation for negative reasons. Maybe one parent is making irresponsible decisions or begins to have a lack of interest in keeping up their part of the visitation schedule. Whatever the reason for the change it is inevitable that it will affect the child.

When dealing with a change in visitation it is most important to protect the child from any ugliness between you and your ex-spouse that may be occurring due to the change. Let's face it, we all get comfortable with the schedule and deviations form the norm sometimes irritate us and leave us feeling less than accommodating. Talk with your children. Check in with them regularly to see how they are feeling with the new arrangement. Listen for cues from the kids. Children will often verbalize their feelings in abstract ways. Sometimes it is through a description to you of a dream they have had, other times it is through role playing during play time, other times it can be the way they are expressing their feelings in general. At any rate it is so important to keep your focus on them during this transitional time. Seeking the help of a trained professional can be helpful as well.

Non-Custodial Parents Can Be There Too

Making it Work with Your Ex-Spouse

Learn more about Elizabeth Kane, MA, Marriage and Family

Elizabeth Kane lives in Newport Beach, California with her Husband and 3 children. Elizabeth works as a Marriage and Family Therapist-I.

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