Why We Can't Do It All--Even If We Want To

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

22 Apr 2007 10:06 AM

I definitely took to single parenthood with a great deal of gumption and commitment. After all, I'd been the primary caretaker and most-present parent for my kids since birth. In reality, single parenthood hasn't really been THAT different from the years that I was married, but I have had to learn that even if I feel like I can do it all and I want to, it's really an impossibility (and not the best thing for any of us)...

Of course, we all know there are only so many hours in the day. Single parents probably feel this truism more strongly than most. But even if time wasn't a factor, there are plenty of other reasons why we shouldn't try to be everything and anything to our kids. Our children need other role models to turn to and need to learn that other people can be trusted to help them meet their needs and reach their goals. Having loving and supportive family and friends help us, as well as our children, to develop healthy relationships and feel connected to the larger community and world.

By letting go of some of the "reins," so to speak, my children have been able to build an even stronger relationship with their father than they ever had when we were married to each other. We've been able to foster a connection to both sides of the family, as well as let some other adult friends into our lives that we might not have had the pleasure of including had we not been a "divorced" family. I think it's common for children to experience some feelings of mistrust when they have been through the painful process of divorce. If one parent assumes all the duties and responsibilities, kids might grow up to feel that they can't depend on anyone else to help out or make sure good things happen. Letting other people into our lives benefits our kids by helping them develop a healthy sense of trust and being able to expect the world will be a responsive place.

See Also: Thinking of the Other Parent as a Business Partner and When a Divorced Mom and Dad Don't Agree on Parenting Issues

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