Words That Discipline

by Valerie Nelson | More from this Blogger

26 Jun 2006 01:53 PM

During my last parenting class we discussed verbal forms of communicating in order to provide correction in a loving way. As a single parent, I am finding these classes to be very helpful and have made good use of a lot of the suggestions for my family.

The first important thing to do is to say "No" firmly. Don't be wishy washy when you want to say no to your child. If you give an ambiguous answer your children, especially teeenagers, may try to talk you out of your no. For example if your 15 year old wants to go see an R rated movie with a group of friends who already have their parent's permission, but you don't think it is appropriate, don't say something like "Well I don't know if that is a good idea." Be firm. Of course do not say no just for the sake of saying no. If you are not sure about how you want to respond, just tell your child that you don't know right now but will get back to him or her in a certain amount of time with an answer.

For older children, use a written contract. Create a list of problem areas that you see with your child such as a messy room, or picking on siblings. Write those problems on one side of the paper, and then draw a line down the middle of the paper. Discuss those problem areas with your child. On the other side of the paper have your child write down consequences to each problem area. Both of you sign the paper and it is now a contract. The child has determined what the consequences are so there should be less argument if they decide to continue the problem behavior. This way you are on your child's side helping him or her to follow the rules rather than the one always doling out punishment.

Some pitfalls to avoid when communicating are:

•Don't be abusive

•Don't be an all talk-no action parent. Follow through with appropriate consequences when necessary

•Avoid screaming

•Try not to be what is called a "Light-bulb" parent where you have a great idea on Monday, have a family conference, and institute a new way of doing things, only to forget the new program by Wednesday. Your children will learn that you don't mean what you say

•Don't be a close-lipped parent that rarely communicates with your children

Learn more about Valerie Nelson

Valerie is a Families.com blogger, freelance writer and small business owner. Valerie helps non-profit organizations with fundraising through grant development for their programs and projects.

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