You are Not Their Best Friend

by Kori Rodley Irons | More from this Blogger

17 Apr 2008 03:14 PM

Here is where things can get confusing-we want to have good, bonded, respectful relationships with our children, we want them to trust us and tell us what is going on in their lives, we may even want to be friendly with them when they are adults-BUT while we are the responsible parenting raising a minor child, we still need to have the authority and we can get into trouble if we try first and foremost to be their buddy or their best friend...

Whenever I hear a parent says something like "My child and I are best friends" or "My daughter and I are just like sisters" I cringe because I sense that the child is not getting the guidance and discipline that he or she needs. Our children really need us to be the parent-the dorky, disciplining, responsible, self-controlled parent. They do not need us to allow them to do things they should not because we are "buddies;" they do not need us to supply them with alcohol or other substances; they do not need us to try to dress like them or be the best friend with all of their friends. They need us to be the parent and to keep our priorities and boundaries straight.

Trying to be best buddies with a child is not merely a problem that single parents wrestle with, but sometimes our boundaries can get a little cloudy. After all, it can really seem like we are "in this together" and in order to build a strong family, we often become quite bonded. But, we must remember that our children are not our confidantes and we need to keep some authority that lets them know we are the parent-older, hopefully smarter, and providing care and safety. Yes we want to build communication and trust with them-but if we spend too much time trying to be a best friend, we won't be doing what a parent needs to do.

Also: Who is Your Best Friend?

Teaching Your Children Relationship Boundaries

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Libby Pelham (12866) 17 Apr 2008 05:17 PM

Well said Kori! I had a friend who was like that with her daughter - ugh. I just wanted to slap her and say "just parent your child" but then I guess it is easier to be their "friend."

Dale Harcombe (10131) 17 Apr 2008 06:47 PM

My daugher and I have always been close friends but she would be the first to tell you that didn't mean parenting and discipline went out the window. She or my son were never allowed to do what my husband and I considered inappropriate. Parenting skills don't mean you can't still be friends with your child without going overboard about it.

LadyNole (70) 17 Apr 2008 06:55 PM

My Daughter is 14 and we have a good relationship but she knows that there are times when I'm her friend and when I'm her MOTHER, and I've seen some of her friends moms who try to dress and act like their daughters and it's weird and scary You want to tell them to grow up and be the parent not the best friend.Not only that but at 40 skinny jeans are'nt flattering . Zelda wisdom" Let it all hang out but don't forget to tuck it back in.